Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Snotty baby and a kitchen knife

I was looking for an old e-mail with a story about my dirty laundry (remind me to post that one sometime) when I found this. It's an e-mail I sent in July of 2007 (when Abby was 10 months). I hope you enjoy it as much as I did! :)

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Hi friends -
I have a short story I just have to tell.
Last night I was working on dinner and Abby was laying on the floor crying. She'd been there for awhile. It had been a hard day. Truth be told, it's been a hard month for me - emotionally and spiritually. Just have a case of the doldrums I think. God is slowly and subtly renewing my spirit. He is good.
Anyway, back to last night - hard day, crying baby. I'm trying to cut up watermelon and heat up leftovers and feed the boys. Jeff is at the farm, continuously. :) ('Tis the season! ) Abby's still crying on the floor. I keep throwing toys and kitchen gadgets her direction - hoping she'll become interested enough to quit crying. But she's had enough wisks and jar openers for the day and she want one thing. And one thing only. The only thing is - the one the she wants is the only thing she can't have. . . . ME!!
I contemplate putting on the front pack, as I've done recently at dinner time, but my back is tired, my brain is weary, and besides, I'm wielding a large knife to cut up watermelon. Somehow baby in front pack and mom with large knife just doesn't seem like a good fit. I look down at her pathetic self - red eyes, darling pouty lips, and snotty nose - and I'm at my wits end.
So I start to thinkin', and I'm like, "She wants me and she can't have me, how do I help her when I can't offer anything. What will she do as she grows older? Where will I teach her to turn when she is in need? Duh. . . God. But that doesn't really apply in this situation, does it? Baby crying on the floor, mom making dinner with a large knife, how can God enter in and fix this?" But, oh me of little faith, I still throw up a prayer. "God, could you please enter in on Abby's behalf and soothe her? She wants her mom right now, could you come with your presence and offer comfort to her heart and hold her as a mom?"
I didn't get past "please", in that short prayer, before Abby stopped crying. Cold turkey, just stopped. No whimpers, no last dirty looks at me, just calm and content. Rolled over and started playing with the last toy I had thrown at her. (I use the term "thrown at her" loosely - I wasn't really hurling toys at my baby girl!) I startled at the amazingly fast answer to my prayer (Customer service agencies could take a lesson here) got a big grin on my face and shed a small tear. "God, you really do care about us. How do you enter in to such a little thing as this. You're amazing!"
And that's almost the end of the story - but 10 minutes later she whimpered a little, and I'm ashamed to admit that I thought, "Surely God won't do it again, surely it's my responsibility now to pick her up and take care of her." But dinner wasn't quite on the table yet, so I said another quick prayer, and, as if He just wanted to prove His point, God gave Abby the peace to play on her own for another 15 minutes. I kid you not!
After a long month of internal wrestling and weariness. After a week of self-questioning and feeling guilty about all the things I'm not accomplishing most days. After 3 weeks of the busiest season of the farming year (5 more busy weeks to go and then we're headed back to sanity) At a low of lows, God used a snotty faced baby and a kitchen knife to reveal His power and love to me. The God of the universe came to my kitchen and held my baby while I cooked dinner. Now that's some powerful love. And that's some budding faith. I can sense the weight lifting and the Spring coming. Not because I am smart or obedient or organized, but because that God, He's Good.
May you see God's goodness in the smallest of details in your life today - Jen :)

2 comments:

  1. I love that story! Thank you for sharing it!
    -Katy

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  2. Never thought of saying a prayer like that. Thank you for opening my eyes and revealing to me once again what a loving God we do have. Your words touch my soul.
    -Kara Brown's best curly haried friend and thankful receipent of your husbands delightful blueberries

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