First, it's never too late to start. I had great intentions when the boys were little - and occasionally I did have them help me take out the garbage or put their toys away - but by and large it was much easier to just do it myself than take the time to teach two small boys how to do it. It would have been better for all of us if I had followed through on my intentions. Small children LOVE to help Mom with jobs around the house. They could learn the ethic of work in a setting of enjoyment. Older children, not so much, and sometimes it's a battle of attitude and some resentment to follow through on asking them to help. My advice? If you have small kids, start now, and if you have bigger kids, start now anyway.
Second, starting to implement chores is hard work. Kids need to be taught how to do everything, and become convinced that they're capable. It takes more time to teach and train them than to just do it. The first few times they do something, they'll complain and say they don't know how or that it's too hard. It's easy to give up and not ask them to do that task again because they put up such a fuss. What I've found is when I will be patient and persistent, they can learn to do a task without complaining. About the 4th or 5th time I ask them to do it, they just disappear and the job miraculously gets done. I tell you what, it's exhilarating to realize that for the first time in 10 years I have legitimate help with stuff around the house.
Third, it has helped me a ton to set up reasonable rewards - something they can work towards. In this case, the Wii has been my best friend. The kids now know that they can't play on the Wii until their daily chores are done. This helps in two ways, first, they put pressure on me to identify the chores that need to be done - "Mom, what are my chores today?" - and second they get their chores done. We've also set lunch time as the goal before, ie: "You can eat when your chores are done." We used to have a point system and they could earn prizes. . . but it got difficult to manage and I got tired of giving them things. We need less stuff, not more. The system that has worked for us is a blank white board on the fridge. In the morning I will write 3 or 4 chores for each of them and they can erase them as they finish them. Each child works at their own pace. I've even started putting bath time on the chore list for my two youngest, because if I didn't make it happen, they would resist baths all week long.
Fourth, I have to be aware of which chores will require my assistance. If I ask one of the boys to empty the dishwasher, it's a no-brainer for them. They can do it without me. But if I ask them to clean the toilet, they need some instruction and supervision. However, if I continue to ask them to clean the toilet, I believe they will learn how and not need my help. I just have to be aware of what day it is, what my schedule is like, if we are going out and how much time they will actually have to do chores. By the way, when I first asked them to empty the dishwasher, it was hard for them, we started by having one do the top shelf and the other do the bottom shelf. We worked our way up to them being able to do the whole thing by themselves.
Fifth, I have to recognize when a task will be overwhelming. When our playroom (or any other room for that matter) gets out of control - toys everywhere, you can't walk through the room without tripping on something - I realize that sending them down their by themselves to clean it up will be counter productive. I will make that a "family chore" and we'll all go down and work together. Pretty much they work well for awhile, and lose steam in the order of their age - and then I finish the job. It's a compromise to begin to get them involved, but recognize when a job is bigger than they are. If I can catch it early, when the mess is smaller, they can handle it - but once it's HUGE, I step in and get it back to a place where they can be responsible to put away the things they get out.
And finally, what are the actual chores on our list? It varies from day to day. Some common chores: empty dishwasher, pick up clutter, vacuum, sweep, dust, wipe counters, clean their room, (which means to put things where they belong. I helped them establish a place for everything, and they're responsibility is to put things back in their place.) take out the garbage, roll the cans to the street and back. . . Some less common chores, but we've done them some: clean tubs, clean toilets, mop floors, clean windows, clean up the yard toys, sweep the front porch, organize a certain area. . .
Hope that's helpful as you continue to tweak routines to work for your family. Happy Tuesday.
Jen :)
yay, thanks friend! that gives me some great ideas!
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