Of Weakness and Strength

I sense the foundations shifting, and it's good. Not easy, mind you, but good. A very elementary truth has started to come clear to me, and I suspect the ramifications of truly understanding it might be even greater than I yet grasp. I owe the credit for this epiphany to God and Andrew Murray. The latter because he wrote about it and God because, well, He's God.

I posted a quote on here a few days back, "Christians want to conquer their weakness and to be freed from it; God wants us to rest and even rejoice in it." It jumped off the page at me from my devotional book because it speaks so clearly to the journey I've been on for close to a year now. I've felt that this has been a season of exposed weakness - primarily God exposing my own weaknesses to me. Opening my eyes to blind spots, revealing faulty thinking, gently leading me to new places.

As I've traveled this road - one I would not have asked for but am deeply grateful to be on - the goal seemed to be freedom. Freedom from doubt, insecurity, failure and shame. In short, freedom FROM my weaknesses. But lately I've been having different types of thoughts, a rustling in the leaves, if you will. A gentle Holy Spirit breeze that whispers to my soul, "You have the wrong goal."

I only catch snippets and glimpses of the thought, and then it passes by. I haven't "landed" the thought or fully developed it in my mind, but it's there, teasing the edges of my understanding and giving me a yearning to grasp it more fully.

2 Corinthians 12:9 says, "'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."

What if God is exposing my weaknesses, not to solve them, but to give me humility and extend His grace? What if the goal isn't to eradicate weakness, but to live with an awareness of my weakness? What if that awareness leads to peace, because I accept what I cannot change? What if that awareness of weakness leads to a greater dependance on God because I recognize the limits of my abilities? What if it's not freedom FROM weakness, but freedom IN weakness?

What if the invitation to abide in Christ is not an invitation to be perfected by the vinedresser, but to be pruned by the vinedresser? What if the fruit of the Spirit comes not from striving to be more loving, joyful, peaceful, patient. . . . but becoming more loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, etc. . . because I'm aware of the difference between my humanity and the Spirit's infilling.

What if it's the very awareness of my weakness, and acceptance of myself as I am, that leads to the true rest that has been so elusive in my life? What if rest isn't a byproduct of solving all my problems, but a promise in the midst of living life as God knew I would live it?

I'm beginning to see something, I need it to come clearer, but I think it's big. I think God meant it when He said His yoke is easy and His burden is light (Matthew 11:30). I think He wants to give me His strength. I think He's calling to me, calling me to come to the water and drink, getting what I don't deserve in exchange for embracing what I cannot earn.