Remain in my love.
Thats the title. Remain in my love. Here's the story:
Last Thursday I had a challenging morning. Not a "bad" morning, just a morning that tempted me to wallow in my "stuff" for awhile. You know, the "I've been doing so great lately, why do I feel emotionally crummy again this morning? Am I back to square one? Have I accomplished anything at all? Arrrggghhhh! When will I be over this stage of questioning and introspection?" stuff. A couple things had triggered my emotions, and I was trying hard to stay peaceful, to remember all the things I've learned lately about how to abide in Christ and live in joy and rest, even in the midst of life's messy circumstances.
I was trying hard, but sinking. As Abby and I walked to church for Hearts at Home, (great time with Steve and Trina - gave me lots to think about as a wife and parent) I was internally wrestling with myself, trying to get my emotions in submission to my will. I was losing the wrestling match and my internal frustration was mounting.
Now, let me pause in the story to simply say that this whole scenario is not unusual for me. In case you suspect that I'm one of those people whose outside always matches her inside, I would like to dispel any myth. While I am on a journey to wholeness that makes me more at peace than I used to be, I am also well-practiced in putting on a smile for social situations. My insides can be in turmoil and my brain going a million miles an hour. Generally the social interaction will push my mental gyrations to the side, but give me any space of quietness for reflection, and the engines rev back up and I'm off and running. So heading to church to mingle with others was not a huge hurdle in the state I was in, but part of my angst was the desire to be fully present and not have this sidebar going on inside of me all morning.
That's the state of things as I walked down the sidewalk with Abby last Thursday morning. Into the sunshine and crisp morning air came an interruption to my spiraling thoughts, "Message Received." Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I saw that my friend had sent me a text message. This is a friend who I know listens to God, but I wasn't anticipating a direct message from Him when I flipped open the phone to read the text. It read, "Remain in my love."
Now, honestly, my first thought was, "Remain in your (my friend's) love? No, that's not what she meant." I quickly realized that she must be having some time with the Lord and have sensed His nudging to send me the message just as it read. "Remain in my love."
So quickly it swept over me, "Duh, Of course, and Such grace" all at the same time. It's the message and mantra of the last year of my life. The antidote to my mental meanderings, confusions, wrestling matches and upheavals is God's love. Period. You may remember me blogging about it some time ago. Over and over again, the message has been, I am a Beloved Daughter of God and that is enough. That's my life goal. That gets me through each day.
Remain in my love. Dropped like a gift from the sky into my walk with my daughter last Thursday morning. It's effect was immediate and amazing. I didn't have to keep wrestling in my head. I didn't have to make my emotions submit. I didn't have to figure it all out. All I needed to do was remember myself to be loved, and stay there.
I honestly don't know how to explain how to do that, I just know I'm learning and somehow it makes a difference in each day. Each hour. Each moment. To remain in His love. Perhaps it's simply the awareness of His love that carries me. Perhaps it is a focus to draw my attention away from my struggles. Perhaps it's a combination of both. All I know is that last Thursday morning, I entered the church with my head up, my heart clear, and my emotions ready to offer my unguarded presence to those I would meet.
The difference God's intervention makes is truly amazing. Every day.
And the gift of friends who listen. . . is priceless!
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